Nothing.
I tried the door again. Not because I believed it would open now, but because hope in those moments becomes embarrassingly primitive. It is not a vision of rescue. It is not even belief. It is just repetition. If there is a door, you pull it. If there is a name, you call it. If there is any object in the room that still resembles cause and effect, you use it until your body stops obeying.
I slammed my shoulder into the metal.
Pain bloomed and vanished instantly under the cold.
The babies moved again.
Another contraction tightened through me and held.
I cried out then, not even trying to make it a word.
The sound startled me. It was too raw, too animal. There was no dignity left in it, no measured fear, no attempt to negotiate reality into something manageable. It was the sound of a body understanding threat and telling the whole world, even if the whole world could not hear.
I bent over, bracing one palm against the wall until the spasm passed.
When I straightened, I realized my fingers no longer felt like mine.
They were slow. Thick. Unreliable.
My thoughts had changed too. Not vanished, not yet, but narrowed. The future had collapsed into single tasks. Move. Breathe. Don’t lie down. Don’t stop. Keep the babies alive. Move.
That was all.
I had no idea how much time had passed. Minutes? 10? 20? The cold destroys ordinary time first because the body has no room left for abstract measurement. There is only before the next breath and after it. Before the next contraction and after it. Before the darkness edges in and after you shove it back with movement.
So I kept pacing, whispering to the babies and to myself and maybe to God, though I never formed anything as neat as prayer.
And then, somewhere beyond the walls, somewhere outside the sealed silence I had already started to believe was total, someone heard something.
Not clearly.
Not enough to understand.
But enough.
Part 2
At first I didn’t know anyone had heard me.
The freezer gave me no proof of that, no changed sound, no footsteps I could trust, no interruption in the machinery. The room remained exactly what it had been since the lock clicked—sealed, white, merciless. But later, when I tried to reconstruct those minutes, I understood that somewhere beyond that steel and insulation, my voice or my pounding or the sharp ugly shape of my fear had reached another human being.
Not everyone.
Not Derek.
Someone else.
At the time, all I knew was that I had to keep moving.
Leave a Comment